I Wonder Why She Smiles...

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

I don't know how she does it. I really don't. 

I looked at this picture. I stared at it for a really long time. I gazed at her smile, her infectious laugh which almost pierces through the screen and causes me to smile. I wonder what she's so happy about? 

Then I looked back at the girl she used to be, I can't count her tears; they're so many, her grief and pain is insurmountable; I don't even know how she made it out. It's all a blur. From sleepless nights crying to days where she now laughs uncontrollably, if a joke gets too much; she'll hit the floor laughing. 

I just want to say I know both girls. 

To the girl who cries at night: 

Don't give up hope. Whatever you think is out there that is better than what you're going through or where you are now; hold on to that. If you're living with your parents right now; hold on to that house with a front and back garden and double garage. If you're single; keep believing that God will bless you with a husband, not a boyfriend, not a sex partner but a right upstanding man of God who loves God but is not a sissy. If you're searching for your ministry; keep loving God, love Him like you're gonna lose Him, keep praying and worshipping. If you don't even know God or refuse to acknowledge that He has a plan for your life or misunderstand how all your pain could be used as the foundation of your success; I pray you won't give in to the temptation of suicide, if you do you'll never live to see the fruit of your tears. For those who sow in tears will reap in joy. For weeping only last one night - and it may be a long night - but joy comes in the morning! 

I know you may not want to believe it but look at me, I can't believe I made it out; if I killed myself I wouldn't have lived to see this day. You may think I'm writing for the sake of writing but I'm only writing because I've been there I know what it's like. 

To the girl who can't help but smile:

I know sometimes you don't understand the tears that flow from your joy, I know you're used to having your tears associated with pain but keep smiling, it's contagious and not only that, it's giving another girl hope. Another girl is looking at you wanting to know the secrets of the way out. Please share them don't ever keep quiet, scream, every opportunity you get let a girl know that you had to cry your way out because you held on to the promise of joy in the morning. 

I know it hurts sometimes, I know it's not always an easy road, but I also know that you've been through enough to know you're not going back. Please, keep smiling, the world needs your smile. Allow the world to marvel at the miracle that you are, you survived, you're not a victim but a victor let others know how you made it out. 

Be blessed and encouraged. 

To The Single Ladies… The Single Mother:

The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him. Proverbs 31:1

I have been scared, I was 14 and dealing in business no 14 year old should. I was 16 years and 6 months old when the doctors said “it’s a girl”. With that little girl I had no idea what to do but I know up until this day I am still sick with worry. I still don’t know what to do with her because I’m still learning myself.

 

I was always worried that I couldn’t do it myself, how does a woman raise a queen without a man to show her what queens should be treated? I was so convinced I couldn’t so it on my own, so convinced and convicted that I could not raise a queen without a king. 

Three years later I had a boy, immediately, I was swept with more worry and doubt, how could I possibly do this on my own? There is no written evidence that this could be done. A single woman cannot teach two young minds; a queen and a king how to act as such all by herself? Surely it is not only impossible but it is beyond impossible. I cant do it. It cant be done. 

But then I was listening to the teachings of a preacher explain how King – don’t miss that – King Lemuel was taught by his mother to avoid disorderly women that would be the ruin of kings, steer clear of the poisonous grip of wine, resist being drunk, to be the voice of those who have no voice and to judge fairly to defend the rights of the poor and needy. 

A woman told the king how to act. 

Proverbs 31 is famous for the ‘virtuous woman’ act. I find that women refer to this scripture when preparing for marriage, a husband and a household which is usually from verse 10-31 of that chapter. I must admit, I have never even realised or paid much attention to verses 1-9 until I heard a preacher comment on it and it stung my heart; the residue of that sting never left.

So I write to you. Do you feel scared? Do you ever pray and cry, cry and pray? Do you ever worry that you don’t have the skills and gifts to raise kings and queens? Do you ever put you and your children on the discount shelf because you think you'll never be able to raise kings and queens? Do you ever back out of the race just because by comparison you think wont be able to raise kings and queens?

I have. I feel like I don’t have it in me. And the truth is; I don’t. but I know the God I pray to when I ask for the wisdom to pour into these children, the knowledge and understanding that comes from His Holy Spirit and only from Him. The truth is I can not do it alone, neither can you, not alone anyway. 

Be encouraged sister, it is not an easy walk but it is one that you have to take one step at a time. 

‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)

Call to God and the things you do not know about being or raising a king or queen; He will tell you. 

Are you listening?

Can Two Walk Lest They Agree?

Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? Amos 3:3

We always see this scripture or use it when people are talking about two people; friends, a couple, people in ministry or any other relationship between two people. 

But I got to thinking. What about God? And me? 

Let me make this clear, this is about me, I got to thinking about me and my personal relationship with God. It's not a stab at anybody about their relationship and walk with God but hey... if the cap fits; wear it! Get comfortable in it and rock it HARD!

Anyway, I really want to improve and get better about walking circumspectly in the Spirit of God. 

But how can I walk with God unless I agree with Him? 

He told me I'm beautiful, ordained, purposed, called, holy, made for one, He tells me I'm special, I'm perfect in Him, I can do all things through Him, He said before my days were formed, before I was born, He planned my days, my nights, my tears are numbered, placed in a bottle, He bore my pain, He provided healing before my pain, by His stripes I am healed.... He said...

But how can I walk with God unless I agree with Him?

When I look in the mirror I can't see the beauty that He talks about, when I look in my past, I'm so blinded by all the pain I've been through; I can't see purpose, when I look in the present I can't see how I can do anything at all, I'm blinded by all the tears I've cried so I don't know how He expects me to believe that He has my tears numbered... I want Him to stop numbering them and start drying them! 

So.... How can I walk in harmony in this walk... how can TWO: me and Him WALK together unless we agree? Not that, unless I agree with HIM! Because His word is truth, His word does not fail or fall, He is right and I have to be conformed to His truth... 

How can I walk with Him unless I agree with Him?

I've got to conform, I've got to leave the world's ideas, thoughts and perceptions of who I am. I have got to leave the way the world defines me based on who I am, what I said or how I dress or wear my hair. I have got to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, no longer conformed to the world, I have got to make up in my mind that yes I was beaten, bruised and abused but I have got to leave that all behind. I have to look beyond my past and gaze so deeply in the future - through His eyes. I have got to see me the way He does, I have got to get rid of even my ideas, thoughts and perceptions and live through His Spirit. 

So how do I walk with Him in agreement?

So he answered and said to me:

“This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel:
‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’
Says the Lord of hosts. 

Zechariah 4:6

What Should It Cost?

I adore the simplicity and honesty of the above picture. Some may find it funny, others may lash out and call the guy cheap; the girl stupid and others may even begin to appraise their value making it very clear that no man or beast dare ever approach them with such cheap atrocities. 

But me, I like to think of my self as a simple girl, the rain makes me happy, going for a walk, fresh air. These things excite me.  

Now let's put this into perspective. How many of you get mad at God because you couldn't get the car you wanted, that guy you had your eye on for the past year hasn't even said hello to you much less asked you out or anything, the job you really, really wanted that is so perfect and convenient for you didn't come through so now all you have left is life, some clean air to breathe, good health and a God who loves you. 

Oh how your life must suck!  

This life that we have and live so freely isn't just a sad, horrible life. It's free to us but it cost Jesus His life. We live and complain so freely forgetting to remember that Jesus said He came so we can have life and it more abundantly (John 10:10) 

God isn't here to fulfill all your desires. Think about it, if your parents gave you EVERYTHING you asked for, you be a spoiled, impudent child with no real appreciation for how hard your parents had to work to achieve everything they have. 

God is here, lavishing us with grace, graceful enough to be our guide, to hold our hand and help us along, to fulfill HIS plan in our life. The purpose He created us for because He didn't make us then think what He should do with us; we're a forethought. 

God ain't our sugar daddy, He's not here to attend to your needs as and when we want them. He ain't here to stroke our egos or spoon feed us. 

He gave His life. It may not have been a gift wrapped with elegance, born to die; not in a palace amongst kings, He wasn't waited on by maids and butler but in my lowly theory He was born just like us, divinity in human form; He became me and you to redeem me and you.  

His humble beginnings, lowly sufferings and martyrdom shows us that we may not always have, might never even have the 28 carat diamond ring but as long as we have Him, we will be okay.  

It shows us that the "things" aren't important, it shows that the house, car, husband, the wife, the children, the ministry, these "things" cannot fulfill us like our Saviour can.  

So it shouldn't cost more than what has already been paid. Jesus laid down His life and if all He gives you is a bunch of bananas; rejoice, celebrate and be glad that you have His presence. No matter where you go, what you do, think or say, He will always be with you and that should be enough!  

 .....and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. Matthew 28:20

I Receive Your Love

I Receive Your Love

“I receive Your love, I receive Your love for me, I receive Your love, I know I am accepted” – Israel Houghton 

I got to thinking about giving, I love giving, I have a real obsession and passion for giving. I will give the clothes off my back, literally if someone asks, or even if they don’t ask; I give, its who I am. I live to give, I love to give. 

But I once received a gift and I didn’t know how to act. I didn’t know where to look or what to think, how to feel or what to say. I have given so much of me, my time and gifts that I didn’t even know how to receive this gift, it was foreign to me. Do I return it? Do I lie and say I’ve already got one exactly like it? Ask for the receipt so I can return or exchange it? I had no clue, I took it home and literally didn’t touch it, look at it or use it. I wasn’t gifted in the area of receiving.

Which lead me to that song “I receive Your love”
Can I sing the lyrics of that songs honestly? I mean I can’t even receive a gift from a man that I can see; how do I receive a gift, the most perfect, flawless gift from a Man I can’t see?

I struggled.

How exactly was I supposed to accept a love that died for me? And every second I spend not accepting what was done on Calvary is another second I keep my Saviour nailed there, bleeding, paying a price over and over again because I could receive His love that would take Him down.

I find it hard to receive love, I found it hard to believe that God could love me. (My definition of love is when a person knows everything that you are, what you did and who you are and still accepts you and still accepts you; that is love) I found it hard to accept that God would know my past, my thoughts, feelings, ideas and desires and still, STILL accepts me and all my flaws, I found it hard to believe much less accept. 

On top of that, there was man’s idea and my perception of love. It was warped because the people who said they loved me didn’t mean unconditionally, they meant they loved me when it was convenient for them to “love” me. 

I found it hard to take my Lord off the cross, I found it hard to receive His love but I got there in the end.

I got to a place where I found out that His love has no strings attached, no demands and most of all, there was nothing i could ‘do’ for Him to love me. That was the hardest part of accepting God’s love is knowing that there’s nothing you can do or did in the past to make Him love you; He just does. 

God loves you, before you were created, before you were thought of by your parents; God loves you. It may be hard to receive His love but it’s there, it’s not going away and there’s nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you.
God, who is love, loves you! 

Receive it! Give it! 

Love hard. Receive freely!

They Have Eyes But Don't See

Haters, fakers and fornicators

Liars, thieves and murderers 

Yes Lord You died for them all, 

And Titus called it, 

He said: "they profess to know Him in word but deny Him deed and action" 

They look pretty Jesus when they dress up for You, 

Words sweet capturing the ear, 

Like a soft summer breeze, 

You can't help but notice 

You see,

And Lord YOU see, 

How? Why? I wanna know why? 

Where? 

Is the amazing saving grace they speak of? 

The convicting presence of Your precious Holy Spirit?

Why isn't it doing to them what it does to me? 

Why can't they see? 

How much they not only hurt themselves; 

But how they hurt You? 

Lord I know You bleed, 

I'll lie and say I feel Your pain but we both know that's not true,

You hurt much more than I do, 

Cuz You shed blood I couldn't, 

You sent Divinity, I couldn't do that Lord, 

But Lord, my heart does bleed, 

Sometimes I can't speak, 

But You know Lord cuz You see, 

The blood You still have to shed from Calvary,

Lord help THEM to see?

Call Me

Call Me 

I can see the pain behind your eyes, 

Even I, 

Yes I sometimes cry, 

I see the tears behind your smile, 

I know the pain that goes into pulling your muscles back from a frown, 

I put your tears into a bottle, 

Yes, 

I number them all, 

I know where you hurt the most, 

Please don't blame me for your hurt, 

Instead look to Me, 

I, 

The only one who can heal you, 

Yes he broke your heart,

But that wasn't Me, 

The was a representation of Me, 

And he wasn't the best one to portray Me, 

Love, 

For I am Love, 

In fact, 

I Am, 

And I will be, 

Everything you need Me to be, 

Everything you think you didn't need, 

Everything you will ever need, 

I will be, 

No, 

I already Am, 

Can I trust you to trust Me? 

Can I trust you to hand it over to Me? 

My child, 

Will you stop crying yourself blind? 

When you do that you can't see Me, 

Please, 

Put down the drink, 

It won't cure your hurt, 

I am here, 

Hang up the phone and get down on your knees, 

Don't call him, 

He can't save you, 

Only I can, 

Call Me!!! 

Jeremiah 33:3,

I will show you, 

Lead you out of darkness, 

Into My beautiful light, 

Get up, 

Out of distress, 

That's not My plan for your life, 

All your shortcomings and failures I knew before I ordained you into being, 

There's nothing too great for Me to forgive, 

Drag yourself to Me if you have to, 

Let My presence overwhelm you, 

Remember there is nothing I can't do, 

But just like a telephone line, 

You have to dial and call 

To be connected, 

To My throne, 

I'm waiting, 

On the other end to deal with your query or request, 

Will you call?